When You Are In a Place You Never Want To Be (In Weakness)

“There comes a time when it takes more faith to fall apart with Jesus than to stay strong enough to stop it from happening.”
Bonnie Gray, Finding Spiritual Whitespace

I’m writing this post from a place I never want to be, a place I especially never want others to see.

This is a place of brokenness and emptiness. A fragile state where I’m falling apart inside; tearing up with a change in the winds.

Here, a blanket of gloom hangs on me like an over-sized wet jacket. Dragging me down and holding me there.

It’s a difficult place from which to write. Because it’s one I’d rather not share.

Always Strong

You see, I’ve always been strong. At least I’ve always tried to appear strong.

With the loss of each of my five preborns, I shriveled up a bit more inside yet always projected a resilient spirit to the world. 

When my daughter entered this world with a cleft palate, I assured everyone that all would be fine.

When nursing her became an issue, I fought through the setback.

When she quit breathing at 6 weeks, I stayed strong and focused through her hospitalization.

And when it became evident she had lifelong global disabilities, I passionately sought answers and resources for her, but not support and encouragement for myself. 

Through my nearly 25 years of marriage and almost 20 years of parenting our four children, I resolutely refused to give into each storm that threatened to sweep me away. I refused to admit I was drowning. Because I knew I should be 

strong

through

it

all. 

God Says So

I reasoned that God even said so. Check out these verses:

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed…” (Joshua 1:9),

and “Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them,…” (Deuteronomy 31:6). 

It sure looks like I was right, we are to be strong. But read a bit farther, who are we to be strong in? Ourselves? Certainly not!

The end of Joshua 1:9 and Deuteronomy 31:6 both tell us to be strong because the LORD our God is with us. And Peter tells us that

“after [we] have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you” (1 Peter 5:10, emphasis mine). 

So we are to be strong, but strong in God’s power, not in our own.

So we are to be strong, but strong in God's power, not in our own. Click To Tweet

I have the “be strong” part down but have been missing who to be strong in. Instead of resting in the God of power, I erroneously believed I could get through on my own power. 

Acknowledge Your Weakness

Do you try to walk this journey in your own strength? Like me, do you tend to hide your weaknesses? 

The Apostle Paul got it: “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Corinthians 12:9).

Boast in my weakness? Wow, that’s a bit counter-cultural, isn’t it? 

But I am slowly learning that my weakness, your weakness, it’s not something to hide.

God knows we are weak and broken. That’s the reason our Father sent the Holy Spirit—to give us strength. That’s the reason He sent the Savior—to mend our brokenness. To restore our favor with Him. To give us light in the darkness. 

I’m finally awakening to Yahweh’s offer of rest for our weary souls. But for me, it’s still a struggle. 

You see, I have to admit I need rest. I have to acknowledge I’m tired.

God beckons us be still with Him and be restored, but we have to slow down enough to be in His presence. God offers us His power, but we have to allow our weakness to be exposed.

God offers us His power, but we have to allow our weakness to be exposed. Click To Tweet

And, oh my friends, that is so hard!  

Are you feeling weary today? Burdened by a world in which darkness hasn’t yet admitted its defeat? Join me as I explore finding soul rest in the shadow of El Elyon, the Most High God.

Prayer for the Weary Soul

Lord, I feel broken and wrung out today.

I have little strength for these day-to-day battles.

My soul is so very weary.

But it is in this place of brokenness I receive your rest.

Here is where my soul can be restored.

Father, I offer You my weakness and gratefully accept Your strength.

In Your infinite grace and mercy,

You give me the power I need for this day, for this hour.

In our flesh everything is futile, but in Christ, all is possible.

In Jesus’ glorious name, I praise You.

Amen.

Reflections: Where are you looking for soul rest? Are you trying to handle circumstances in your own strength or God’s? 

For the next month or so on Thursdays, I’ll be exploring “spiritual whitespace” or soul rest with Bonnie Gray at FaithBarista.com. Bonnie’s first book, a deeply moving memoir of sorts, Finding Spiritual Whitespace: Awakening Your Soul to Rest, releases June 3. It’s perfect timing for this soul-weary gal and I’m sure for many of you. Won’t you join me as we find rest in the only place it exists, the bosom of the Lord.  

Linking with

1. 1. By His grace ≈

      Julie